a mental shipwreck of emotions

I am not on here very much, dealing with life as we all do on a day to day basis.
We all have our trials and tribulations. Some we can deal with, some we look to God for the answers as to WHY?
I hate being put through either one. but I guess its to see how strong we all are or have to be. I get tired of being the strong one of the family.
I am going through a bit of a delmia. some may not see it as that way or what ever. But when it happens to you and it will which way will YOU turn in that time of need?
this guy I thought was my boy friend has decided to move back to maryland to be with his son because he claims his son is at that age of needing his father. the boy will be 13 this yr. It has been 10 yrs since he has really been around his son. I aske him why NOW?! of all time why now? he said as one of his many excuses that he wants to be able to interact with him, when many,many,many times he had told me and others he and his son have nothing in common. Well this man who had got me to move in with him and fall for his insinuations, put off getting a job for me and stay on unemployment. I did do all that because I was "following" with "blinders" on. I put off helping my family to follow this "player". I haven't been done like this since my marraige and then divorced.

Thias man has been raised by a man that adopted him when he was just a new born and then when things got bad in his dad's and mom's marriage he left with his dad only to be stuck in a privet school or left alone to take care of himself while his dad went off to be with who ever. make a long story short this man i have allowed my self to fall in love with (my own stupidity) has decided that we were never a couple, ..........just friends.
Well what brought all this on ? he was found to have an aneurysim. now he claims after all this time he needs to go "play" father with his son. I can understand him wanting to be the boys father but just because of what the doctors found its a sing to him time to be a father??????
Pretty weak and sorry if you ask me. Now if this ends up being something bad then fine. If not then that fine to.
But because a person has been raised to con and and scam people for all that they can be gotten for, this man is too afraid to allow himself to feel . he don't and won't cry in front of anyone, he don't allow himself to feel the love of another person or what they feel. he just keeps it hidden and stays "cold" and "distant"

I have been basically the ONLY one there for him when he has had to deal with kidney stones to the point of needing them surgicaly removed, i have been the one there when he has been so sick he could not make to the bathroom and i had to help, I have been there between fights and disputes between his father and exwife. Or is she an ex, he hasn't truthfuly answered me on that just said"even though I MIGHT be divorced" YEAH!!!!!!!!! MIGHT
either way i have reach my point that I JUST DON'T CARE anymore. I am numb< I am emotionally and mentaly bruised, I feel like I have been used for all he could get from and of me and wadded up and tossed out with the trash.
I don't care what anyone says to me to try and ease the pain and the hurt I'm the one thats going through this all over for the 3rd or 4th time.
I'm walking away from it all. He don't need or want me . he wants to sleep with his dogs then let him LIE with and to the dogs

pushed aside

Why is it when someone is going through a "battle" of some kind the most important things seem to get pushed aside or put on the back burner. When we do that kind of stupid stuff are we protecting or hurting those that truely love us?

I am going through an ordeal right now where for a while i HAVE been "pushed aside" and set on the "back burner" so to speak. I'd rather be there shoulder to shoulder with this person, but he thinks I'd be safer on the side lines or tucked away some where. I'm not like that.I had been done like that once or twice before by another man.
i'm not as frail or delicate as some might think. But this one man in paticular thinks he knows whats best for me. DOES HE REALLY????????
Don 't get me wrong I know he means well, but he is trying to sort it out in the bottom of a bottle and shot glass. since the hot humid oven burning heat hit back in june we for the short part of it maybe a month off and on have been inside because its just been way too hot to do any kind of outside work.
Any way the stress of it all finally got to me and i "flew the coop" so to speak. what i can't understand why make this "battle" a mountain out of a mole hill?
He was told by his attorney "not to worry its all been taken care of." but yet he is worrying and has pushed me off to the side. Yes it hurts, hurts like a fire burn. I have tried to cry but managed to squeeze out a few tears, not enough to make me feel better or cause my eyes to swell. but just a few.
I guess in the end it will be decided if i win with him or i loose him or he looses me. this man and I have been through an awful lot in the 2 yrs we have known each other. I haven't asked him for anyting. he has just "been there". I have been so greatful for it too. I'm not sure how i will end this , I'm not sure where I'm going with it either. But either way this page will end.

yesteryear

What say are yesteryears?
What say ye?
What say are yesteryears?
What say ye?
What stories, what tears and hurts.
What griefs. Do oyu hide?
What was that?
Ahhh!!!! Yes, Go forward!
Leave the bad, ugly, hate, hurts, and worries behind.
Go forward with the beautiful,pleasant joys.
Take the blessing for you and family,
the family and you.


This was asked of me by my mother to post this on here,
for her reason alone I do believe. Something to ponder.

Cheryl-
Well said sis. (For parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) It's a hard thing to do; let your child make mistakes he/she may have made in their past.

It's a test for all involved family memebers; each family deals with it in their own terms. All too often though situations as such render a split in the family. I believe in the power of prayer and putting my faith and trust in God- he will make sure you are never alone.

Somtimes it's best to let them be grown ups and live their lives.
This way when your son and/or daughter do come and tell you you were right....well, it's up to you what you do with that victory.

when to back off

there comes a time in life when you have to just back off and let things do what they will.
Either things will crumble and fall a part or exhale slowly because of a strong foundation and what you have done is still standing.life is so much that way and honestly it sucks sometimes.i look at things like people,animals,or what ever a little differently than what alot of others do we all have a right to our opinion.but who cares about that.hmmmmmmm.
Backing off from a situation you have gotten into no matter how you got into it,can be a difficult thing to do or a sticky thing to do.paying attention to all the signs is a good thing to do and listening to that little still voice combined with instinct is even better, don't ya think? Welllllll, i have had to do just that, but keep focused on two very important defenseless facts.
My grandsons. I love my family, but we all can and do get ourselves into some of the most dumbest or craziest or dangerous situations. Me? All of the above right now. But i don't back down or give up until i just have to back off, rest up or what ever. But i do what i can no matter the cost and what i have to learn .
It hurts and yet it just shows i am still alive and kick'n
























.

When Stress is knocking what do you do?

We all go through our bouts of stress. NO matter the cause or the reason. Its like a test that you HAVE to take and be strong enough to endure or crack because its just too much.

Stress is like that one person you just totaly avoid at all costs, but it eventualty catches up and latches on. Sleep is one friend that you see less of when you are under stress in one form or another. Stress takes no holidays as we all know.

there are diffrent levles of of stress and different causes of stress. Like kids making you want to ram your self through a wall so you can have their attwention and hope and pray that it goes all the way as to putting the fear of God in them if not for just a little while , so SOME sanity can return. SEX is a GOOD stress levle to have to deal with its either not enough to the point you just may as well dry up and say it was fun while I had it. Or TOO much can make you want to SCREAM "OH NO, PLEASE NO MORE!" OR "IS THIS REALLY NECASSARY TO DO IT AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH, I'M GONNA PUKE YOU TOUCH ME!'' or what ever it happens to be
Job related stress is another doozie to deal with. No matter if its the boss or coworkers.
they get one to the point of wanting to smack them up side the head and ask in a snideful remark way if they really are that stupid and blind to (what ever the cause) the solution is or can do.
Lets take the spousle or EX's stress levle and their affect on you .
They make you end up thinking"What or Why did I EVEN see in you?" They know when they have crossed the line, some care, some don't and some play it off like they really are that stupid.

SOOOOOOOOO, What do you do?????????????
Well there are all kinds of things one can do.
Like not get in the middle of it to begin with. YEAH RIGHT! what if you have no choice in the matter? PLAY DUMB. Don't make excuses for others Stress Stupidity.
Another thing that can be done is find a cliff and go hang gliding off of it but just watch out for the bugs and birds. While you are that high up SCREAM till you can't scream no more. No one will hear you any way and if you happen to see what it or whom it is that is the cause of the stress??????? DIVE BOMB THEM and scream some more as you come in for a landing on the ground. HEY take a doxzen eggs and make them all guess what you really are. Maybe even the gizzards,hearts and livers mixed in with the eggs.
In other words control the situation that seems to have control over you.

untitled

Wow! I got so many titles for this one running through my head that its hard to choose, so I have left it untitled, and for good reason. I'm SCARED, I mean I am truely scared and to those who know me, know I don't scare easily and or that I'm not scared of much.

After 11 yrs of of something I hold near and VERY oear to my heart and have been praying for to happen, is about to happen. How it will turn out. I don't know. Only GOD knows because He is the one who determines how,when, where, and why. As well as who. Wow! I am a bag of mixed emotions as this gets closer to happening. I catch my self being short of breath at times, my heart racing along with my pulse, I find my self being cornerd almost an snapping at those closest to me. I know why I'm doing this, I do and I know why I'm guarding my self over this as well.
I also know that once its here and I have standing in front of me will be what prayers have been answerd.
That will be one or two or all 3 of my youngest children that I had lost in a custody battle to my (missing link) ex husband. I have not been able to seethem, talk to them, or call them or write them since July 4th of 1998. The judge orderd me and my daughter to do a evaluation to see if she and I were stable and not the monsters that my ex and his father made us out to be.
My mother got a letter from my oldest son William telling her that all this time they did not know they could have been communicating back and forth with her and the rest of the family, but just not with me and their oldest sister. In it he also said he didn't understand why I left them and was looking for closuer.


I keep saying to everyone and myself I am ready for this, I can do this, I have answers for them and I know that some or alot or all of it they will not like and will be hard to understand and digest. I can't and won't hold them responseable for what their father allowed to happen as to what the kids would say to him, their grandparents, and the judge. At the time of the divorce and custody hearings my kids all were 14 yrs, 7&7 yrs, and 6yrs old.by the time 1998 of July rolled around they were on the verge of becoming 8&8 and 7 yrs old as well as my daughter she had turned 15 by then.
I know the victory is just around the corner, and the battle is about to flare back up, only this will be with a different side to this. it will be the same issues, the same pain, but only it will be time to open up what had thought been heald up to squeeze out as much of the poison as possible. It lies just beneith the surface of us all.

The thing I WANT to do most is to get to know who ever it is if not all of them , get to know them again and allow them to know me as me their mother and mom.



When we meet face to face a victory will be at hand.

Strange Feelings

Everyone at some time or another encounters a strange feeling or feelings.
like when sitting out on the porch on an early day of Autum, just enjoying the sun, the cool breeze, the peace and quiet, the way the breeze blows your hair IF you have any. Being aware of all that goes on around you. Or you think you are being aware. The wind seems to be picking up just a little, your hair is moving more than it was then you look at the trees and grass to see if you are right. So you smooth down your hair and you end up feeling a stick in your hair and wonder HOW it managed to get in your hair when you hadn't even been any where to have gotten one. So you look around, find nothing and brush your hand in your hair in a different direction, you feel it fall out and quickly notice that it FELT colder than a stick does only to have a WALKING STICK fall out and into your lap and roll off on to the ground. Aren't you glad you went to the potty BEFORE that happend.



Pets and kids also end up causing one to have strange feelings or feel strange things from them.
Like standing and talking to someone when your pet comes up to you and leaves something on your feet THINKING all the while you would love it if that animal would get off your feet, just to either move and look down or just look down only to find either their butt on your foot or something they found or killed and are pround of them selves because they brought you a GIFT.
You either freak out and twitch in discugst, or calmly say in a LOVING voice"OH! , thank you so much, now run along and I'll go put this away." Expecting them to run off, nope they want you to take that prize and do something with it all the while they are watching.
Now kids, they can be like the pet. Loving, sweet, kind, playful, and proud of their findings too.
How about when they come up to you hands wet, thinking they washed their hands, not giving it a second thought, then the smell sets in,
Use your imagination. Was it pudding? Was it Ketchup? was it water? Was it paint? or the dreaded one Was it poop?
Only you and that child knows. My youngest grandson came to me one day with something on his fingers, me thinking he got into the pudding in the frige, he said "mell am'ma" I got close enough to find out he had dug into the back of his diaper to show me he had pooped.

There are so many things that can get your attention in some of the strangest ways.

All Shook Up

There are many things in our life time when certain things, people and happenings can just shake the very foundation of of your core.
Lately there have been many things that have just been shaking me up and I'm one that can with stand alot of crap. I've HAD to in order to survive what I have been through in order to allow my family and children to survive. Some things may seem small on one hand and on the other are really BIG. There are those who have been through exactly the same ordeal or are going through it as I type this out. There are those who have had to live it through some one elses eyes and be there for support in one way or another.
I don't know what to really say or how I want this to come out sounding on here , let alone how am I to put it down on here in my words. My foundation has been shaking . To the core at times, but I FORCED my self back up to my feet and continue to climb another mountain. What I KNEW would happen has happend but only years later, but got shaken when I got the news.
No one said it was going to be easy out on the battle ground, no one said to watch your back out there, no one said time to come back in and rest and try again with a different way, no one said you can and will with stand it, no one said that you will learn a great deal out there.
Its like being tossed to the sharks and told sink or swim, or thrown to the wolves and told live or die.
I have done all of the above .

Some thought I had gone crazy and was talking crazy to the things that had been happening and are still happening. But ITS ALL IN THE TIMING when the truth does come out and is finally seen. Forgivness is another thing. I can forgive so easy to those who have no understanding as to what I have gone through or were there watching me and my children go through.
Its time for the healing and hurt to stop and the healing to begin and the pain of the old and new wounds to go away.
that I know is going to be a long road and path to travel, but as long as I have God as MY pilot, my family at my back and my friends in the cheering section I know and see the VICTORY goal in sight and the score board above it I KNOW I'll score and be the winner.

My family has seen each one of us at rock bottom, we have all supported each other in one way or another, but there is nothing like being shook to the core of ones foundation, and the key is not to let that keep you down, you got to have the "mustar" to get back up and pull it back together and make it that much stronger. for there is going to be one or two others who will need you because of the past experience in life.

In closing, ALWAYS EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED AND BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE STORM.
STAND YOUR GROUND, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND KNOW WHEN TO GET OFF THE BATTLE FEILD TO REST AND REGROUP.

Gardening Time!!!!

I LOVE this time of year. Or I should say its ONE of my favorite times of the year.
Why? Because I get to PLAY IN THE DIRT!!!!!!!!!!!
My daughter, her man friend and I planted some tomatoes today about 10 or 12 of them. Why so many? I have no idea. My daughter was the one who picked most of them and she planted just 2 pepper plants and we got some sweet onions planted to.

But what was funny was while her "Man friend " was digging up the spot to plant the garden he'd find a grub and have his fun.
Yup, you guessed it. He'd throw it at my daughter and make her squeal in disgust!!!!!!
The last one he threw at her landed on her leg and foot. Talk about a shimmying dance and an all out scream!!!! I laughed so hard it mad her a little mad. Even her boys were laughing because mommy was doing a funny dance so they tried to recreate her dance move, that was even funnier.
She went running into the house just trying to get the feel of the worm off her..
She went into the bathroom to see if she could get that feeling off. Don't know if it made a difference. She went back outside and helped him finish the spot.

We are waiting for the peas and green beans to come up now and some squash too. Next will be the cucmbers and carrots and potatoes.
Yup gonna try our hand at canning this fall and maybe try some jelly making as well.
Nicolas my oldest grandson who is 4 yrs old almost 5 went and looked at the grub, well next thing ya know he is squishing it in to the ground saying"look mom, I squished it." she got grossed out again. Well I told him to pick it up and give it to her, she looked at him and said "Don't you dare do it!"
He smiled , then laughed and started to bend over so mommy ran off.
I LOVE my grandsons!!!! My little parners in Am"Ma'S crimes LOL!!!!!
Later all going back outside.

piddling around

Here I sit looking at this screen and not much going through my mind as to what I want to blab about. Well nothing important any way.

Have you ever watched people ? I mean REALLY watched them. How they walk, chew their food, dress, fix their hair IF they have any to fix or if they fix it at all.
Whats funny to me is trying to cure my boaredom at work. Now whe I get bored, thats a time to stay hidden and out of my line of fire or pranking.
I either get my self in trouble or cause someone to become irritated with me. But really what am I to do? One day at work I was grading Chicken legs(YAWN!) and this one lady I was grading with got me to mess with the ladies that weigh the legs at the automated scales. Well she and I were pretty bored so we decided to hold back as much as we could of the legs and then just send them on their way to be scaled. Man what a mess we created. legs all over the place! them ladies were so mad! but it was funny.
Didn't get in trouble either.(smiles really big and then giggles)

Ok, now what can I blab about??????????????????????????????????????????????
Still thinking give me a few and I KNOW I'll have some thing.............................................
AH, HA!!! got it! told you I would!
MEN!!!!
Alan nothing against you ok? you are excluded from this. HEE, HEE.
I work with a bunch of guys in the dept. I am in. And its just so funny when all these guys act all macho, bullish, cool, smart, or what ever comes to mind, but let them get a piece of CHICKEN FAT on their smock and man oh man its like a bug has landed on them! a BIG SCARRY BUG! I laugh so hard at them!!
They comes just short of freaking out! I'm not kidding!. these guys will let grease, mud, water and other crap get on them and not freak, but let a piece of chicken fat him them..........
They twist, turn, shake, quiver, slap it, or what ever. I'm suprised they don't get down on the ground and roll around screaming "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF ME!"
I MEAN YOU CAN SEE THE PANIC IN THEIR EYES!
And then they play with the slime you can find under the skin around the legs or just under the skin on the breast area. They throw that at each other and cuss each other for it.
Some of these guys don't really know what to make of me at times. I will be really loud, cut up, yell, and b.s. with them for days and then I start to see the look of "man why can't she go work some where else today." When I see that look I get quiet and just work for days till they can't stand me being quiet. then it starts all over again. Or I just stay quiet and let them wonder" what she up to now" or "what has she got up her sleeve today am I a target?"
They don't really know until They start messing with me as to what I'll pull on them.
They all know I can stand my ground and don't back down or bend to their will. But get a guy I KNOW that theydon't really know and they all keep an eye on whats going on and what MIGHT happen.
HA HA HA!!!!!
Some men Will work hard and fast, some work very little and slow. Some think they need you to do their job or need you to help them but when you need their help, for get it they turn and go else where. Those are the ones I torment and irritate the most.
Men are funny they get to talking "raunchy" about a woman or women and just run off at the mouth, But When me and a friend or two get to talking like them they get this look on their face like SHE TALKS LIKE THAT! OR JUST LOOK ALL BUG EYED AT YOU IN SHEER SHOCK AND DISBELIFE AT THE WORDS COMING FROM HER MOUTH! lmao!!! I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO MAKE MEN TURN RED OR EVEN CLEAR A TABLE THAT HAS 3 OR 4 GUYS SITTING AT IT WHILE ME A MY FRIEND(S) TALK ABOUT MEN. ITS JUST WAY TO FUNNY! Ok done with them for a while.
Think I'll sit in this chair and spin in circles and pray the back don't fall off while I think.
Well can't come up with any thing right at the moment, and it could be that the time right now is 1:22 am. and my brain and body is telling me time to close my eyes for now.
Yup I do thinks that is what it is. So I'll stop and publish this and then maybe I'll have a brain storm and have some thing to write about.
IF IT WORKS DON'T FIX IT

What can you do but live and laugh

Today has been a VERY interesting and VERY LONG day.

We got majorly dumped on and hit hard with a major ICE STORM. Me and Jessie went outside as much as we could today and just stood on the porch and listened to and watched beautiful Pine trees, Maple Trees, Pecan Trees, and every other kind of tree we have around this little town of Green Forest, Arkansas.

My sister Connie nad her hubby had the Willow tree split in half in their yard, made me want to cry. It actualy looks like some one got chain saw happy and went all over town and just took their frustrations out on the trees and power lines.

Its an awsome sound to hear the snapping, and popping of trees, but what is a spooky sound is when you hear the cracking and then hear it fall. You don't know where its coming from around you at the time unless you happen to be beside it or extremly close by. But to see it fall from a great height is the kicker of all.

Jessie's boy... Opps excuse me... "MAN FRIEND" has lost electrcity due to a tree coming down behind his home and knocking off the power box from the house. It turns out at the time his house was the only one without power, but THANK God for gas heat huh?????

She decided to stay at his house with Carlos:: Aka Peanut

I think it was an ok move, because outside my mother's home I walked up to the side street where she lives and counted 4 lines down due to trees having their break downs of the weight of the ice on the branches.

I'm THANKFUL that all who have checked in and kept in touch are all safe ,warm, and inside. But enough of that.

My boys as I call them from time to time, are little characters for sure. My father, if he were living today would just be tickled pink at these 2 boys. And keeping them in trouble more than I do.

My Father was quite the practical joker and it has rubbed off on me all I'm doing is passing on the trade to my grandson's. I mean somebody has to carry the torch, right?

Well why not them.? LOL!

I'm sure they will create their own mischife on top of what they are taught.

Me and Nicolas have this game we play to get him to dress, or eat or help clean house. We race or I tell him NOT to get this,or that, or I'll say don't you eat or drink my what ever.

Well he decided to pull that on a couple of little girls at preschool the other day. He is made to sit by his teacher and the boy does like to be comfortable and relax. Not my doing there, had to set that straight.

Any way, He decided to pull a good one, so he looked at these 2 little girls that are his friends and told one not to drink his milk(hers in other words). Well th teacher just looks at him and tells him to eat.

He took a bite and the a drink of his OWN milk and looks up in time to see the friend drinking her milk. He said to her" I old you not to drink my milk" the little girl looks at him like he is nuts, and the teacher didn't know what to think.

So later on that day his teacher told his mother--- my daughter about what happend. My daughter rolled her eyes, giggled and told Nicolas's teacher its a game he and I play to get him to eat, clean up, or to get dressed.

Once she got the story behind the game she thought it was a good idea and creative as well.

Now "Peanut" on the other hand is gonna be the handful. That too is none of my doing, well except some of the looks he gives. Laughing my arse off!!!!!!!

He will use every thing he learns from alll who are around him
to either get by with what ever or to get him out of trouble or into trouble. I'll be blamed for the last one I know this already. (snicker, snicker)

Well it is now Marck of 2009. All have survived the MAJOR ICE STORM and al have their electric and heat on. THANK YOU GOD!
Now its the time of year for more colds, flu, and allergies to be kicking back up. LOADS of fun. But its all apart of our system to clean out the impurities and allow the good to take over. Something like that.

I just wish a personal vaccum cleaner could be made so when we get "boogerd up" all we'd have to do is stick that thing up the nose and let it suck the boogers! Well I think it sounds good.
About 2 days after the chicken plant got back up and going I was working back in the rehang area. My lead back there(patty) told those of us to be careful, because she had the drains opend.
Well at the time I HEARD her saying something, but didn't LISTEN as close to her as I generally do. Yup you got it. I fell in the drain.
Have you ever been so engrossed in the job or work you are doing or what you are reading and some one tells you something, its ok as YOUR response?
Yup that was me. Well I was trying to catch what is called a "one legger" that is when the bird has one hock in the shackle and the other is or had come out of the other shackle. Any way I went off chasing that stupid dead, defeatherd, gutless, headless, feet less ugly bird and next thing I know I'm looking at the leads shoees and heard her asking me"what the hell are you doing?" "I can't believe you did that.!" All I thought when I realised what happend was "OOOOOOO, thats gonna hurt and leave a mark for sure"
I looked up at her and just cracked up laughing. Laying there sprawled out like something out of a horror flick I'm sure, and LMAO.
Well she helped me up, and asked me if I was alright and if I needed to go to the nurses station. Now ANYONE who has or does work in a processing type plant knows that the nurses won't do a THING unless you cut off a body part or you are dead up there.
Well need less to say I told them about my being graceful and not paying attention because I was to involved.
I got laughed at and told to take care.
I had a massive bruise that went 3/4 of the way down my right thigh and on the ribs I had the corner of the pallet I landed on bruised on there. ribs still let me know and remind to watch my step. The lead? she makes sure she has MY attention when it comes to cleaning the drains.

Me? Well I did find out just how much of me can actually fit into an open drain and that I do bounce instead of splat when i fall or slipp.

An Angel or a Monkey

Well here I am again on this day of December and I can tell you it is VERY VERY WINDY outside today, partly cloudy, and in for some nasty winter weather later this evening.

I hate going to Wally World THIS time of year, for that matter any holiday I HATE going to that store. Too many people there, just standing around and not enough in the check out lanes or checking everyone out!. I hate crowded places, I'm one of those that has the people she wants to be around or conversate with all wrapped up in a bow, not a very neat one but its a bow.
I'm one that has very little tolerance for those who STOP all of a sudden and can't decide to go down this way or go that way or just shuffle across the way. I'd rather get in the store get what I'm after and get out, right?
WRONG. But I am one of those who fly through the dreaded place when I have no little ones toddling along or I'm not having to run to keep up with a 4 yr old there.
Yesterday my daughter and her "Man Friend" went to Fayettville to do some Christmas shopping and once again I'm at home with my loving, adorable, playful, mischeivious, into this and into that Grandsons. Sounds like fun right? Well it and they can be LOTS of fun!!!
But not when you are left with one that is teething, screaming his headoff(so to speak), and constipaited like a a plugged up drain pipe.
VICTORY!!!! I WASN'T THE ONE WHO GOT THE LOADED DIAPER THIS AFTERNOON!!!!! And IT WAS A LOADE (GUN) DIAPER to the HILT!

Now this little guy, God love him and so do I, but yesterday and ALL last night me and him constantly bumped heads and I was the one catching hell for mommy not being home.
Mommy was gone from 1:30 in the afternoon till 12:00 a.m. with her man friend and don't think I let her get by with being gone THAT LONG!
I told her she needs to get home and get this child before I lock him in a DARK room, she kept telling me to just put the play pen in her room, put the baby in it and close the door. I kept saying no thats not the room I am talking about and get home bevofre you pull up and find me sitting butt ass naked on the prorch and find that child swinging in circles from the celing fan.
She would tell me "we will be there in a bit" this was at 7:00 pm, I popped off" when in 3 more hours?!" she told me no, I told her I'm not fooling around, this baby is making me think all kinds of unkind thoughts because what he did for the MOST PART was scream and cry and no matter what I did to try to please him he'd get louder.
EACH TIME!
So God Bless Big bubby for helping his half crazed Am'Ma. He would step in and do his best to keep his baby brother happy by playing chase, but when baby fell down the chase was over and the crying continued, the big brother would drag out his play tent to play with baby brother and laugh and giggle and romp and roll on each other and around. but when baby bumped his head the fun was over and the crying continued.
My daughter kept trying to get me to go take a xanex, NOT ME!
I get something in my system like that and she'd have no house , no tree, nothing to come home with. Them boys would of taken advantage of it all and would of redecorated the house and me, I hate being drugged up and kids running the roost.
Like I said earlier she got the LOADED diaper!
I told her last night NOT TO EVER GO OFF for that length of time like that again and leave me with a teething child.
She TRIED to get by with" we didn't realise how late it had gotten."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T LIE TO MOMMA AND MAKE HER LOOK LIKE A DUMMY
I was satisfied when I had seen she finally gotten the message.
I told her that when my friend / lead got back up to being her self and has her daughter and new grandson home from the hospital that Patty and I were gonna go out and get drunk!
And that Jessie was going to be dealing with the boys, because I'm planning on let'n loose and have fun no matter if my heels are on the ground or in the air. Get your mind out of the gutter, if you knew me like alot know me you'd know what I meant.


Well getting off here and closing this chapter for now gonna go color the grey in my hair that I colored not to long ago.:)
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!
HAVE A SAFE AND FUN ONE!
Not a smart move.

what roller coaster of a ride

Well I haven't been on my blog since early July and have alot to tell.

I moved in with my daughter on July 4th of this year and a month later working at Tyson's foods.

Any time someone has asked asked me "how are you" or asked "how ya doing?" My best and only response is "I'm here and still standing."

Why give a sob story on how you really are doing, no one really cares up there as long as you have hands, elbows feet and can bend over or function like a machine to them you are in good shape.

Although I can't really complain much, because I TRUELY have come back at a good time. Its not so much as the pay as it is that I'm not standing in the same spot every day doing the same job. I really do enjoy the varity of the jobs in the dept. I work in.

I'm a FLOATER or "utility" easily put in layman terms I'm a jack of ALL trades.

Some of the people I work with and around would rather go to work and go to the same hum drum job day in and day out.

To me its not the work so much as it is the people.



I now am trained as a manifester in 2 areas that logs the products and its location for when the order is ready to fill or ready to go right out. I have been trained to work a pallet jack but them "new" used ones they have are just to touchy and will man handle you before you can work it the right way. I know I was man handled by one of them "new" used pieces of crap and haven't touched one of them since. laugh all you want but its no fun when you think you and the jack are supposed to go one way and find your self going in the direction IT wants to go and FAST!

I am now being trained as a back up lead on the chiller rehang table as well as classified as a hanger by the lead I work with.

She really is a VERY cool and fun person to be working with. She has her favorites but she does not play the favorites card. I'm the ONLY female besides the lead that works back there amongst 10-12 guys. I really do like it better back there and its not so much the guys as its that there is no drama back there like there is when I work up front. I hate drama in the work place and I hate even more that in this work place everyone behaves like they do when they where in Jr. high or High school.



Enough about chicken and that place.



Lets talk GRANDKIDS and KIDS!

Now I LOVE my grandsons, and don't read this or take it wrong but , MAN! Lately they really have made me want to pull my hair out and I know its not so much them as it is their Mother.

She has her a new "man freind". Can't call him a boy because he don't wear diapers. lol so to speak. For a long time my daughter had him and his brother scared to meet me. They are from Guatimaolla. They both have their children back there, one is still married and the other is divorced. They came here to make money for their family's and have taken to my daughter and grandsons.They still aren't too sure about me. lol!
Any way its christmas time and everyone is TRYING to get into the spirit of Christmas. Last night Jessie put up the tree, got it decorated and her man his brother and a friend of theirs came up to our home and put the lights up outside, very beautiful!
Well the babies were so excited about all the shiny, and sparkly, and blinking things I just about had to tape and glue them both down just to catch my breath just to keep things from being torn down or apart.
Where was their mommy?
At her man's house, of course. so I finally got Carlos(aka:pnut) to sleep, and was able to finally to catch my breath. Nicolas wanted to go to bed, so I tucked him and rubbed his back till he fell asleep.
But this morning it all started all over again with the baby coming to me with a candycane. I hollerd for his mommy and told her rise and shine the game with the tree is back on and she'd best be the one to keep him out and away from the tree or I'll do it and make him cry.
He didn't like me spanking his hands over & over & over& over. I didn't
like it either because it stung my hands, made me feel bad, and hated raising my voice to the stubborn little bugger.
I know he is just excited, but then it became a game
and if you were to know this little one like I do, you be looking to put up an electric fence.!
Me and my daughter wrapped presents last night and thankfully the baby didn't find them under the tree, but big brother did! and boy he did so begg'n and crying, and driving me up the wall!
Well now its been a few days since I was on here and even MORE has happend.
My youngest grandson got a hold of one of big BROTHER's presents and decided he needed to check it out, while his mommy and I were cleaning house. I was in my bedroom that I share with my oldest grandson who is 4 yrs old and mommy was coming out from cleaning the bathroom.
She just rounded the corner to the livingroom ans seen a horrible sight and the next thing I hear is "Carlos!" " What are you doing?!" I asked her what was going on and hear a "thump" and her grumbling at the baby.
I knew then it was somthing he should not have touched. Well she got the playpen out and in he goes VERY unhappy and we continued to clean.
Now My oldest grandson Nicolas has so much fun when we are all at walmart and when either we all happen to walk by the women's dept or he goes over there with me.
The first time I went over that way with him to look for some "things" for me I heard him laughing and having a good time. I called for him to come to me he said " no, come to here I want to show you something, and its really cool Am'ma" so I went to where he was and he was squeezing the women's big boobed bras and saying "boobies, boobies, boobies!" I told him to stop squeezing the bras and that they weren't boobies, he told me that they weren't bras and yes those are boobies. So I took hold of his hand and swung around and there was a man sitting in one of the Walmart electric carts watching us and listening, as we walked by he told Nicolas "just wait till they're full and they are even funner then." Nicolas looked at him and said "yea!" I just busted up laughing and totaly embarassed.
Well today is my birthday, and I tell you with what I had been through in my past I thought I was done for and beingthis close to christmas at that.
BUT! it was a mixed blessing in disguise at that.
I was pulled over by a green forest ploice officer, a cute one at that, and I had heard he could really be a jerk and an ass at that, but what I was going through at that time was an event I don't EVER want o go through again (feeling wise in the begining). The officer got out of his car and walked up and asked me for the things he expected me to have and I was crying like a baby because of my exhusband and what he put me and my 4 kids through in my past, but that is another story and tryng to finish this between my mother chatting with me and my daughter calling to see if I'm ready to come home and trying to wake Nicolas up from his nap. Any way
as I said I was pulled over, shaking worse than a leaf blowing in the wind on a tree! I just knew the officer would find something in my back ground, he asked me my name and birth date I reluctantly told him, after he figured I might have warrents on me. He went to the car and ran a check on that and came back and told me he was letting me off with a verbal warning and not to let him catch me out driving until I get things taken care of.
I sat there with tears rolling down my face, mouth haging open, and thinking "PRAISE THE LORD"
He told me that there was nothing on my back ground what so ever. I told him before he ran my name and birth date, that I was coming out of a nasty divorce, and that I've been working to save the money up to get those things paid on and taken care of, I also told the officer that the type of man I had been married to was one of those that WILL DO ANYTHING to destroy or ruin me and my life.
But when that Officer came back and told me the reason he pulled me over was because of the tail lights being out, ran my name and birthdate, then coming and telling me there was NOTHING in my back ground,
I cried so much harder just hearing that and the relief of a burden I had been carrying and hiding from all those I love all these years.
I was going to write about some other things but those can wait till this week end.

In closing, The lord nevers gives you more than you can handle.

The 4th of July and the after affects

Here is another good example of "ITS ALL IN THE TIMING" I'm sure who ever reads this
will be able to indentify with it, so sit back and enjoy the read.

My mother is one that IS a home body. She hates to have to get dressed to go out ANY WHERE unless she has TO BE THERE.
My younger brother's mother in law calls and talks with mom almost everyday. Well for a long time Lois has been trying to get mom to come over and visit. THIS YEAR Lois called mom told her they were going to have a BANG of a 4th of July and she wasn't giving mom ANY choice, SHE HAD TO GO, Lois told mom she'd come get her even if it means using a gurney and strapping mom to it, mom was comin over.
4th rolls around ,like everyone else we were keeping a close eye on thw weather. Its been a WET spring and summer, temps have (fortunately) been staying below 95 degrees!!!!!!!
I'm not by no means a Summer heat person, give me temps from between 80 degrees all the way down to the single digits and I'm a VERY HAPPY person.
I LOVE the rain and I ESPEICALY LOVE watching the thunder and lightening storms.
Call it thrill seeking or crazy, but if I could and was able to get out in the middle of the lightening and touch it with out getting hurt, better believe I would .
Mike stayed out front the biggest part of the time, playing with the kids, joking around with me and his neice Jessie, and Nicolas (3yrs old) and her baby Carlos(1 yr old), he blew up balloons for the kids that asked for a balloon and even sucked the helium to make his voice sound funny for all the kids.
The fire works were pretty cool and good. Mom had a good time and enjoyed herself.
Nicolas discoverd the swimming pool that his Uncle Mike and Aunt Tracy had set up for who ever decided to swim. Getting nicolas out of the pool in the dark was like trying to pull teeth from a tiger with out being knocked out, but he reluctantly got out and was the one who did most of the woooo- hoooing and cheering as the fire works were being set off.
Quite the entertainer he was and is. "Peanut"(the baby) was excited about one firework that was set off and that was the one that was the grand finally, all he let out was one little WOOOOO.
Well last night I spent up at my daughter's house with her and both of my grandsons, we finished up what fireworks we held on to . Just some smoke balls(one of my favorites) , some "spining bees",
a couple of ground flowers(another of my favs) and one fire work Nicolas picked out and was saving.
a smaller, much smaller version of the grand finally of the night before, only sometime up the line nicolas pulled the fuse to it out and wasn't found.
So Jessie and I improvised. Now those of you who really know me and my daughter, knows that when she and I get to "brain storming" about something no matter if we are trying to fix it, make it move,tear it apart, or what ever , KNOWS and can promise without even saying anything, that there is going to be something to laugh about.
YUPPERS 2 GOOD laughs as a matter of fact.
Well as i said me and my daughter Jessie or Jessica, improvise, and with the wickless firework, we DID IMPROVISE. I suggested that she set a smoke ball on top of it to see if that would get it going. nope it didn't, so she was the one that had the bright idea to stick the lit punk down inside the firework , well it got it going for sure, she stuck that lit punk down inside that thing and was bent over it at the time and when that firework lit it shot up some pretty good sparks and she let out a squeal and jumped like I hadn't seen her jump in a long time(LOL!!!!!!!!!!!), of couse it scared Nicolas when she squealed, and he coverd his ears, he does that when he gets scared, but he stayed outside and watched his COOL firework, the baby?
NOTHING seems to faze that child.......LOL!!!!!!
After that was set off and did its fizzing fountain thing, its sparkling light show and its snapping, cracking and popping we had 3 smoke balls left.
Jessie made the comment "Well seems we chased the bgs off." I looked and there was a JUNE BUG buzzing around my head and I said in a joking manner "well, really, maybe one under the porch would do a better job."(rolls eyes) Well I was talking to Nicolas and the next thing I know SMOKE is blowing up thew the boards on the porch, I looked at her and she smiled and said"you said throw one under the porch." then I replied"I WAS JOKING YOU GOOBER!"
That set her to laughing, so the brat did another one just because she loves getting a suprised reaction out of me, and in the prcess she choked her self out because the 2nd one she tossed under the porch smoked for a long time and she was the one coughing, and I was the one laughing at her. The boys?
Nicolas went inside and told his momma not to choke the smoke with him..LOL!!!! the words that come from a 3 yr olds mouth...LOL!!!! The baby? Once again unfazed, but burried his head in my shoulder to hide from the smoke.
ONE SMOKE BALL left, and empty firwork bag, a ice cold can of beer, a 1 yr old baby in my lap and me sitting in a canvas camping chair that when you sit in it you sink, so if you have to get up in a hurry you struggle like a turtle trying to get to shore.
Well Jessie and I were talking about this, that and the other, I was sitting comfortably in the chair on the porch and holding the baby(Carlos), Nicolas was outside just waiting for the thunder to rumble loud because of the amount and intensity of the lighting that was going on.
(ALL SEEN IN SLOW MOTION THREW MY EYES)>>> Jessie was holding the last smokeball in her hand, I turned to say something to her about the time she lit the smokeball and tossed it. She was aming for it to go under the porch, she tossed it, IT bounced on the edge of the porch and rolled under my chair and did its fizzing SHISH sound and landed in the plastic bag that HAD the fireworks in it at one time which had blown under my chair at the time, and as the smokeball set off the bag catches fire, I looked at her and exclaimed"OOOOOOOOO, TAKE THE BABY, TAKE THE BABY, TAKE THE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!"All the while I'm struggling to get my big butt up and out of the chair, Jessie is holding the baby and laughing like I haven't heard her do in a long time, me, I'm bending over grabbing the bag out from under the chair and throwing it out in the yard, which lands next to Jessie and the baby she side steps it and continues to laugh her self silly, the beer was whirled in a circle and on the verge of tipping over but sat it self back down and the chair didn't move. Nicolas ran inside and stayed there, he had had enough.
Its not a memorable holiday around my family unless it involves me(even if I'm the cause of it or not) and one or all of us kids.

The Innocents of The Future

This page I deadicate to my oldest grandson Nicolas.
He is such a joy and a breath of fresh air for me and those in the family.
His baby brother Carlos(aka: Peanut)is just as much.
Both of the boys would have been such a joy and a riot of laughter to my Father's heart.
I went and picked up Nicolas from preschool earlier this week, he had been playing and playing hard. His sweet little face was dirty and hot looking(flushed) and his eyes were showing signs of he was ready for his nap. I seen him sitting at one of the tables under the tin canopy that is out on the playground yard for all the little ones that have gotten into trouble or boo- boos or just want to sit and rest for a bit or just want to be left alone because of one reason or another.

Well I walked out to him and just about was knocked to my knees because his Am'Ma had come to get him as she has done since it has warmed up outside(YUK, I'm not a fan of warm weather). He hugged me and clung to me so he would not have to get down and go play like the rest of the kids.
I started to ask him if he had been a GOOD BOY for me, and he said it before I could ask it. I hugged him and told him that is what I want to hear!
He was all excited and ready to go, some of the little kids he plays with were asking him ig he was going with his grandma, he said no I'm going with my Am'Ma.
The next day I went to get him from preschool and walked into the room where my daughter- his mommy works as an aid. Talked to her and seen Nicolas out playing.
He finaly caught sight of me and came running inside the building and hugged me and told me he was a good boy again and smiled that sweet little 3 yr old smile.
I was standing at the window chatting with some of the other kids outside the window. Nicolas came up to me after telling mommy he'd see her after school, and told the other kids bye. one of them asked him if he was going home.
He yelled back and said "NO I'M GOING HOME WITH MY CHERL" (laughing)
Some times he calls me by my first name just because he likes the way it sounds and reasons of his own. I don't mind at least he has my first name down pacted.
Any way the kids outside the window told him it was his grandma , he said "NO SHE IS MY(rymes with earl) CHERL, BYE SEE YOU LATER I'M LEAVING WITH MY CHERL!"(cheryl)
We got into his mommy's blazer and went to the store for great grandma, while we were in the store he was helping me shop and we were looking at things. I asked him if he thought mommy would
think he was being nice by running all over while in the store. He said "no" I asked "why not?"
He replied"My mom is a butthead." I laughed and the store stocker just laughed and I asked him why his momma was a butthead he said "because she won't let me go play". So I just laughed and told him lets get back to grandma's.
Yesterday I went and picked him up from preschool and one of his friends had a mouthful of water and came to me. I asked the little boy what he had in his mouth, the little boy just looked at me with both little cheeks buldging out and said nothing.
I asked him if he had bugs in his mouth, the little boy was almost shocked and had this look on his face as if trying to decide if there were any bugs in his mouth, next thing I know kids started crowding around me , Nicolas and his friend, the boy shook his head no, then I said "I KNOW! ITS WORMS! ISN'T IT!" "YOU GOT WORMS IN YOUR MOUTH!" he shook his head no, I looked around and noticed even more kids had come around to see what was going on and to find out what the great mystery was all about in this little boys mouth.
By this time Nicolas has climbed up on the table as was hanging on me , as if to say "this is mine" I hugged him and returned my attention to the little boy.
The little boy opened his mouth about the time he was climbing up on the bench seat to show me what he really had in his mouth, I noticed it was water and also noticed that there were alot more little girls around than little boys.
I also noticed in his dirty little hand he had a toy lizard.So I popped off at him and said "I know what you have in your mouth!" by this time the girls were really close into this and I said" YOU GOT LIZARDS IN YOUR MOUTH!" HE SHOOK HIS HEAD YES AND OPENED HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE DID THAT ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS RAN IN MANY DIFFRENT DIRECTIONS!
I laughed so hard and as did the grown ups that were close by.
Nicolas asked me if I was ready to go, I said I was . as we were walking to the door of the building I asked Nicolas if he had eaten any worms. He told me you can't eat worms, I asked why not they taste like chocolate, he informed me that worms don't taste like chocolate they taste like paper.
last week end he and I were sitting outside enjoying each others company and playing with his baby brother who was in the play pen, when Nicolas noticed a earth worm wriggling on the cement and the ants scurrying around . He told me he didn't like that worm and that it was dangerous.
I asked him how are they dangerous(ONLY THE MINDS OF THE INNOCENT).
He told me they are dangerous because they eat the teeny tiny ants.I asked him if he was sure of that he said yes he was and then went on to tell me that worms come from fishing, I asked him how does he know that.
he looked at me and said "because poppy gets the from the hooks."
I can't wait to see what els he straightens me out on next and in the future. I can't wait to see what his little brother is going to come up with when he and I face the things that Nicolas and I have faced.

It can be hard to let go and let grow up

This is to the ones who know the parenting life. No matter if you are a parent or adopted parent.

No matter if you are a family friend, a mentor or Family. Aunt or Uncle, Brother or Sister.

You will agree it is hard to let go and let grow.

Letting go of ones child or children starts at birth, when the mother is in the delivery room either screaming in pain to get that hateful child out of her or smiling and feeling the love of the meds the Doctor called for to be given to for the sanity of the doctor or the safty of the birthing mother.

you got that sweet smelling little bundle of joy in your arms, you listen to the sweet little noises that baby or babies make, you count toes and fingers, you look to make sure all body parts are where they should be and then you settle into the comfort zone for a few months any way.

Children can either drive you crazy, make you mad, want to cry, want to laugh or want to run very, very far away when they have been running a fever and are still in a diaper and that diaper becomes REALLY FULL with the kind of love from them you just hate to have to endure, but some body has to do it.

When the little ones are able to crawl in away you are releaved, but then again you almost wish they weren't old enough to do that. Then once they have masterd the crawl, they take to learning to walk.

As most parents are you become over joyed and thrilled that your little one is in that phase of life and right on track. At this time one does not realise that the child or children are becoming independant and learning to go forward in life as one, but you still are the safety net.

Then comes the first day of their school life, their first day they are completly away from home, mom, and favorite toy(s), either you and the child cry or its just you crying and the child smiling and waving see you later.

Then its their first Date, their first Car, their First time out and away from home with out you to be looking over their shoulder to make sure they are not doing what they aren't supposed to do.

Then you get hit with reality, they have let go along time ago, so why haven't you?

But once, one that THINKS they are in love with Mr or Miss Wonderful and have gotten their heart broken or crushed, you are their for them to run back to and have the shoulders for them to cry on and the arms for them to fall into that lets them know"Its ok, I'm here just let it all out, we'll get through this together." or so you think.

Is it the Empty Nest syndrome or just knowing you are still wanted when they come back?

I am going through that once again of letting my daughter grow up even more as she has done in the past.

It is VERY hard to let go when you see that they know they are ready to face life and its challenges. You stand back and watch them in the "every day life" game. You have been the one that has more or less controled them in every thing they do, don't do, and are determined to do.

Its NOT easy by no means to let them take over the reins of life. Then you realise that you haven't finished growing up either.

The Loving Woes of being Mommy

There are times when doing my laundry at my daughter's house can proveto be interesting
either while I'm there or after I have left.
Jessie is a very ,very busy mother of 2 Very BEAUTIFUL boys and I'm not saying that because I am their Am'Ma(grandma) But I'm saying it because it is sooooo TRUE! I and my mother KNOW what she is going through with the boys and the "man" of the house being around or not around.
I had 4 kids and mom had 5 kids. Jessie BLESS HER HEART, both boys may as well be 4 boys.
She LOVES being a mother very much, as I do and did. I hear from people we know how nice it is that I help her with her boys and how good a mother she is.
As I said doing laundry at her house can prove to be interesting at times. Earlier today I went up got laundry going, ran back to the store got what I needed, went and got her some gobbstoppers jawbreaker candies, went and got my grandson Nicolas and then we went back to his home.
The first load was done and I put it in the dryer and got the 2nd load going. Nicolas was sitting on the couch, glued to the tv watching SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
Me I'd rather be watching his movie CARS. Next thing I know he had fallen alseep on the couch.
He had been asleep about 30 mins when my trac fone rang and Jessie was asking me if I and Nicolas were going to be at my mom's or up at her house. I said more than likely at my mom's, so she said she'd go over ther after preschool let out. Well 3:25 rolls around Nicolas's daddy hadn't come home from work yet, so I scooped him after only an hour of nap and we go to get his mommy.
I hated getting him up from his nap he can be so cranky, but he is only 3 yrs old too.
We Turn to go to my mom's and see Jessie walking to head to her house.
I picked her up and went to mom's she dropped me off and I went in and jess went home.
I did tell her before she left that I had some towels and a few pieces of clothes and some sheets in the dryer.

Later in the evening about8 p.m. or 8:30 Jessie shows up with a basket of the clothes I left in her dryer.
I asked what did you do run away or made an excuse to get away?
She let out a growl and dropped the basket on the floor and then plopped down on the ouch and proceeded to tell me and mom( her grandma) about how she was ready to pull her hair out and smack a "HERES YOUR SIGN" sticker on her man's forehead. Now I got a T-shirt from my sister Connie the other day that says "SO MANY MEN............... SO LITTLE INTELLEGENCE" that seems to be the right shirt for Jessie at this time, well the last 2 or 3 months.
She was telling me and mom at how the baby who is almost 11 months old was following her around crying and whining to get her to pay attention to him, and his big brother Nicolas was bouncing around or calling "mom"
while she was busy doing other things. where was daddy in all this?
At a soccer meeting(rolls eyes).

Well he comes home plops down and decides to read the paper, all the while the baby is trying to get
mommy to pay attention and big brother is being him self as all 3 yr olds do.
She finally got clothes folded, bathroom clean, boys fed, dishes done and the livingroom clean.
Then Carlos looks at her and asks if she is still mad at him(LMAO!!!!!!)
I think this man needs to choose his words more carefully or open his eyes and pull his thumb out of his ARSE. Jessie just looked at him and went and sat down, she wasn't feeling any better because of that time of the month. Well here Carlos makes another mistake in asking her if she was feeling any better.(LMAO!!!!)
she looked at him and said"WELL WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
Most men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut and when to open them.
If men and women can't learn to read the other then it isn't going to be an easy ride.
Neither one comes with an instruction manual, kids sure don't, its all based on instinct, knowledge,
experience, and just common sense, which is something else alot of men lack as well. but then you have those
who do have it but just not sure how to use it.
Same goes for women too.
I'm not sure how this is going to end up with Jessie and her man. But no matter I and my family will be there for the both of them and more for her.

shake your booty sandwhich

Ever been trapped between 2 horses that have been trained to do the booty dance?
I have and its a weird feeling to have happen because all one can think is please don't fart, pee or have the urge to lift the tail and poop while you got me pinned like this.
I love animals, always have and always will. They are some neat people. Yes, I said people because animals have their own personalities, Some even take on their owners personality. Some that are mainly around the humans close contact wise, think they are human.
any way I was working with the neighbor up the road out where I used to live last summer.
She has3 llamas, 4 horses, a black bear she raised from a cub, a kinkaju, 3 parrots, boo koo load of cats,
a turkey that got stuck with a females name when its a male,chickens, ducks,and 4 dogs.
I have been told by many people that I'm a natural when it comes to animals of all kinds,I tell them well don't say that because there is always going to be that one or two that won't want anything to do with me or will try to attack be cause they fear me or I am invading in their territory.
Either way its a catch 22 with animals.
These horses I'm writting about and their other 2 family members were all taught to do the shake your booty dance when they were all young colts. This former boss of mine gave me one of the greatest summers I've had in a long time.
Those who know me know I'd rather be working around animals and interacting with them than stuck inside some where.
I and Starlett were out in the feild alot that summer chasing down the llamas or checking the fence line, calling the vet for one reason or another to take good and proper care of these exotic animals.
I was standing outside the bears inner cage picking clover for him because he was wanting as much as he could get and waiting for Starlett to turn on the water so the animals could be waterd. I seen the horses coming up from the lower field and the dogs were all around my feet . I got BUDDY his clover and he was just as happy as he could be. Then I opend the jar of peanut butter for him and he was enjoying that to no end.
Bears have got a really long tounge and its like sand paper running across the skin. Starlett handed me the hose and changed places with me.
By this time all 4 horses were outside the outter cage of where Buddy was at and they all smelled the peanut butter. I opend it and Starlett had me give each one a good handful into their mouths, she told me just to scrape my hand along their teeth they are trained to be good while they get a goodie.
So they all got a good mouth full and if you think watching a cat or a dog try to eat a mouth full of peanut butter is funny then you are really missing out when a horse is eating it. Their heads turn every which way, their tounges flip in and out of their moth they like their teeth to get the goodie and make you think they are smiling at you or being silly. once you think they have eaten and got the peanut butter unstuck from the top of their mouths they go back to licking the teeth and each others mouths.
So I go back to talking to starlett and I 'm just standing there one of the horses moves to my left side and the other she was on my right, very well aware of wher they were I continued to talk and the next thing I know I got TUESDAY leaninging into my back almost sitting on me so I started to laugh and botty danced with her, While i was dancing with her SUNDAY backed up to my chest and started dancing with me that way . By this time I'm laughing so hard I had no room to panic and no need to. so I'm seeing myself as a horse booty sandwhich and all I could do at the time was dance with them and pat their hind quaters and laughing so hard I almost wet my shorts.Starlett is laughing so hard she sat on the ground and had her tom turkey resting in her lap.
Some how or another I managed to get out from between both horses and inside the cage with Starlett.
Buddy stood up on his hindquaters for more peanut butter and when I didn't give him any he hit the cage and caused me to laugh that much more.
He got his peanut butter after that and rubbed his head against my hand thanking me .
We finally started back up to the house there was PASSIONS and PRINCE waiting for us to hand out the grain. I went and got into the barrle for a scoop of grain , stood up and backed into Passions.
Starlett told me she was being protective over me while I got them their grain and was making the other horses wait.
We finally got to sit and rest a bit while the animals ate and drank While I had been drinking my tea Starlett went in and got one of the parrots. A beautiful blue amozon , she has them trainedto talk too.she had the bird say in a whisper I need to go poo poo. and would poop on command. I laughed. The next thing I know I got PASSIONS standing over head and starting to lower her muzzle and rubbed the side of my face. Starlett told me she was saying thank you and letting me know she loved me. While Passions was doing that Sunday came up and started nuzzling my hair yanking at my barrets because she didn't like tham in my hair. Needless to say I was shown just how much they have accepted me and how much trust they have in me.

Sweet and innocent

The sweetness and innocentness in children is amazing. I get pictures of my grandsons
when my daughter can catch them at the right moment. When I get their pictures you can see such sweetness and innocent in the smiles, but,one look into the yes will tell a different story. Nicolas has the eyes that his Am'Ma has.
and the smile of an easy going person. Carlos<> Peanut has the smile that makes one love the innocene of children and the face that is so sweet.
But my boys are alot like their Am'Ma, I don't know why either. I mean I'm a sweet and innocent enough person,
I enjoy a good laugh, I love to wrestle and tumble around and when bored I look for a victimto toment and irritate.
So my grandsons have character and personality, they get that from me of course :).
I love going to the perschool where Nicolas goes and getting to see him at the end of the school day.
He sees me and takes him a min to let it register and then its "AM'MA!!" he runs and jumps up into my arms and gives me the biggest hug!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut, he slobbers and smile and then gives Am'Ma a slobber kiss on the arm, or the hand, or the face if I'm not paying attention to him.
But either way I TREASURE and LOVE my grandsons and Thank God for the Mother they are Blessed to have, because I love her as much as I love my noys.
I wish at times I could squeeze her down to their age and size and just hug, and cuddle her as I used to.

Barely 1 cup of coffee

Now this one is going to be about a day in my life.
Today I woke up around 8 a.m.
I'm not sure why that early, but I was to find out later.
It was a day that put me in full swing, and in a way kind of glad it kept me busy. I just
didn't like what it all entailed. My grandson Nicolas and my sister Connie's FAVORITE sister in law.(LOL!!)

I had barely gotten my first cup of coffee drank and had just made my 2 nd cup
when the phone rang. It was Lois, my mom's best friend and only friend, she asked for me.
When i said hello, I heard such panic and frieght in her voice that it got my attention.
She asked me if I could take her daughter to the hospital because she couldn't walk.
I stood there looking at my mother as I was asked that, I said sure just give me a few minutes and I'll be there.
I hung up and told mom that I had to get Tracy to the hospital, because she couldn't walk. Now those who KNOW Tracy
knows she does A LOT of things for attention. But it was what I heard in her Mother's voice.

We know this family very well for the fact that Tracy in married to my brother Mike(VERY LONG STORY- Horror at that)
Any way, I run up to the preschool get my daughter's car and get over to Lois's.
I got out of the car and noticed a truck on the side of the road and thinking "man what idiot parked their truck like that?" Tracy's brother Brian. I ran up to the porch and right to the door, but just as I was getting to the front
door I heard this horrible howling coming from inside.
I looked in the door and seen Tracy barely holding herself up with her mother's walker, her face all drawn up in sheer pain.

Now I'm not one that scares or spooks easily, but what I seen did Scare me. Tracy forced herself to move, but her legs did not want to follow, they were noresponsive to what needed to be done. I stood there and watched Tracy struggle with getting to the door. She thrust the walker out in front of her and dragged her legs up under her howling the whole time in pain.
As I stood there feeling about helpless because of what was happening to her, I watched as the moved inch by inch, legs being dragged like dead weight, or if she forced her legs to move she'd come close to passing out.
My thought? "oh lord, please don't pass out cause you are to big for me to catch, and your brother would just stand there"
We finally got her to the van and on our way to the hospital, once there I jumped out of the van ran in and got her a wheel chair, got her inside and she got her admittance taken care of while I parked the van.
She made the nurses, EMS, and a flabotimis work to find just 1 vein. they doped her up, took x-rays found nothing due to the swelling, brought her back, we waited, doped her up again and sent us on our way, by this time it was about 2:15 or 2:20 p.m.
I called my daughter to have her called the clinic and tell them I was going to be running a little late, she flipped out on me, and I couldn't yell back at her because we were at the hospital at that time.
My grandson Nicolas had been sick with the flu over the week end, got over it on monday and was ready to go back to school today, but in the middle of the night Nicolas woke up puking, ran to the bathroom puking and mommy and daddy scrambling in different directions.
He did this through the night all day today and to top it off had the poopies.
Bless his little heart. Well I got Tracy home, left her to climb the stairs pain free(almost) and got right over to my daughter's house . I got to their front door turned the door knob and bounced off the door.
It was locked. Why? Not sure.
Carlos opend it , let me in, fought with nicolas to get him dressed while I played with my Youngest grandson Carlos"Peanut"
by the time Nicolas was dressed, crying and fighting, I was ready to call it a day, but nope my day continued.
I get him to the Doctor's office(clinic) with 5 min to spare, get him checked in and went and waited.
He curled up on my lap and tried to sleep, the nurse came out, we went back and the fun began.

I wonder if I have any grey hairs after this day?

He fought being weighed, he fought letting his temp being taken, he SCREAMED when his ears got checked,
but what happend next made me want to run out the door with him tightly in my arms and wishing for ear plugs.
A flu culture was done on him, the boy had a death grip on me, but screaming for moma the whole time.
But when the nurse came back in and said Supository, he completly flipped and the wrestling match was on.
He said through the tears and the freight that he needed to go potty, I knew better, but took him any way just to try to calm him down, I got him calmed down and when he found we were going back into that room he went back to screaming and fighting again.
well I looked at the nurse and the doctor and siad lets get this done, because he isn't gonna calm down any time soon.
I gatherd Nicolas up held him close to me while the Nurse took down his pants and did her job.
As the supository was being inserted, Ilooked down at Nicolas and what I seen in his eyes nd the color of his beautiful blue hazle eyes upset me so much, I still feel bad.
That poor little guy had such horror in his eyes, that his eyes turned a very LIGHT GREEN before mine, i could see golden flecks of amber and thin Shreds of blue in them eys and the tears , on my lord the tears.
Finally get the medicine inserted and forced to hold his little butt cheeks closed while he held on to me screaming for momma.
Nicolas is much better now, eating, and smiling again. I guess I have been for given.
but just bearly getting one cup of coffee, in the morning in me ,makes for a VERY LONG DAY

Jessie

My Daughter Jessica is one I need to write about.
Just about every parent is Proud of their child or children.
But I and my family are VERY PROUD of my baby girl, my first born.
I became pregnant with Jessica when I was 17, and I was a virgin up till then.

I hadn't ever been told any of the signs of pregnany, oh in class a teacher would talk SEX to the class,
but, not one really went in depth on the subject of sex, just mainly talked about STD'S and the puberty thing, and what changes the body will go through.

I knew I was pregnant with my daughter when I was 3 days late for my monthly fun.
I cried, i vowed to God that I won't have sex any more outside of marriage if I'm not pregnant.
But God had other plans and other reason's for me becoming pregnant with the first grandbaby to my parents and the first great grandchild of my dad's side of the family.
I went the WHOLE 9 months with out saying anything to anyone, but one person, she was an exgirlfriend of my brother mike.
I did tell Jessie's Father I was pregnant, and his mother over heard a conversasion between him and his sister about me.
His mother told Jessie's father that HE NEEDED to do something about it and have it taken care of really quick.
So he came and told me and I told him that he could tell him mother that I was not about to abort a child that is not at fault for what happend between the both of us.
I wore big clothes, my big coat. I laid so my belly could not be seen and what ever I could do to hide my being pregnant.
I had even entertained the thought of going out into the woods and having her, but do what with her after that.
But that never happend.
I'm so thankful God was my doctor all those 9 months of the pregnancy.
Jessie was surely a blessing in discuise.
For my Father he knew her only 11 months, but that was a life time to him.
Jessie was what kept my Mother and I focused on the important things or we might of given up.
there is too much to say about Jessie in her younger childhood years, but you got the picture.
I met and married a man and thought he was a good guy.
I married him because I was once again pregnant and by this time Jessie was turning 7 yrs old
she liked him at first and he took good care of her as if she were his, that is until the twins were born.
She helped me take care of the twins as she was growing up, but was more or less forced by her stepfather to take care of the twins . I would fight him about that.
Finally he decided to divorce me and blamed me for the divorce, when he was the one who commited adultry, and lied to the judge and court system .
Jessie has been my ROCK and STRONG hold through so much.
She was forced to drop out of school by the priniceple in the town we lived in out in Oklahoma.
due to all the school she had been missing from being dragged in and out of court by her ex step dad.
She kept me focused, she kept me going, she kept me alive and made me want to live.
She had done all of it through God's loving and caring hands.
She now has her GED and works at a preschool, has 2 BEAUTIFUL boys, and a loving and caring man and he is a very good care provider, a loving father, and someone that she would be lost without.
she and I have gone through a lot together, she has been more like a sister and my best friend than a daughter.
I wouldn't want her any other way.
Now once again, I'mleaning on her for support in my life and she has the aid of my family to help her as well.
God has His reason's for what he has us all go through in life.
But yet, my BEAUTIFUL daughter Jessie has my entire family to let her lean on us
at any time.
She is what Family is all about.
I love you my baby girl, and will give my life for you.

The Pain of Sacrificing

This one is gonna be a personal pain for me.

Some will say "oh get over it, and get on" some might say" you poor thing" and some might even
say" well , boo - hoo, to bad ,so sad, your loss"
but I don't care, I'm not as calloused as I used to be, and I was REALLY BAD CALLOUSED and those who know me,
and knew me well at that time will agree as to how calloused I was, I am to a point these days too,
but also in time when the right kind of "softner" is applied and room given, one tends to soften and let the guard down for a bit.

Its been said : Nobody said life was easy, And as well : If you Love something set it free,
if it comes back it was yours or meant to be.
Well I have been for a LONG time now battling with myself over a decision to move out from my boyfriend's home and get back to being me again, and I did, I moved out today, but have such pain in my heart and am so scared right now.
I do love this man, he has taken decent care of me, but yet his faults and short comings have gotten the best of me.
For the first time in my life I actually don't want to give up a man. Not sure if its because he gave me the time and space to deal with the demons and hate I carried inside me due to a VERY NASTY and HATEFUL divorce/ child custody battle.

When me and my oldest Daughter moved back home from Salina, Oklahoma back in April of 2000, I HATED the very exsistance of MEN in general. I do some to this day, and some types of women as well.
Many of my family members and a couple of friends asked me each time If I was sure at my decision on me moving out and as well as asking me about my boy friend's son.
But when it comes to making self sacrifices of this kind of accord, you find out just how painful to you being the "other party" it really is.
I can honestly say say I know now what its like being on both ends of that stick. I have been the "dumped" and now I am the "dumper", and it feels even worse than being dumped.
But making SACRIFICES is part of what life is about, no matter if they are a painful sacrifice or not.
Some may say " oh there are more fish in the sea out there" to me with this sacrifice, I feel I have really lost more than what I lost in Oklahoma. And I LOST ALOT back in Oklahoma, A LOT.
I tried to explain to my boyfriend why I am moving out like I am and that I have been tossing this around much longer than he thinks, He thinks I JUST decided to do this on a spur of the moment, but no , I haven't.
I'd say a little over a year now I have tossed it around and battled with it. But then it really started to kick in when my Mother spent 3 weeks in the hospital and I had no way to be able to go visit her at all.
Then the BIG RED FORD Truck my boyfriend drives broke down back in the late spring of last year and sat out in the drive way for about 4 or 5 months, and during that time he took the car he had, and traded it in on another truck, which could not be afforded either on payments.
Well back in late October or early November of last year, he found someone to take over payments on the small red truck he had gotten, because I wasn't working , but had been out putting in applications just about each and everyday.
I could of been working long before that, but the work times that were slated for the job I could of had would not
coenside with his work hours or his son's school hours.
Yes I can understand there needing to be someone there for his son after school, I know that,
but when a job is open to be taken and worked at , that person or everyone should be happy that it is one that is willing to be worked at, not frowned upon,
to me a paycheck coming in is GOOD no matter what the work is that you are doing or willing to do at the time,
you can always find another job with better hours to work at while one is temporarily at that one.
But when the other party isn't willing to let you be happy to do that one job, even for a temp job, then whats the use.
I'm one of those that is one to stay in a relationship and work it till there is no other alturnative , but to pull up steakes
and go seperate ways.

I am a fighter of many causes and many reasons, I am a compasionate person, some times just a bit to passionate
in what I do believe in, but that is just me.
I am one to "rock the boat" or to be a "whistle blower" when I see or hear or know something isn't going right and tryingto be coverd up .
I do believe in doing whats right and what is fair for all, even if it means doing what I have done and caused the ripples I have caused.
I am one to put others before me or my needs , wants, and desires, I'd rather others have what they want or need before I take care of me, its my nature of being like that, I don't care if its seen as stupid or crazy, but I have ALWAYS been like that.
I will ALWAYS be like that no matter what.
I feel guilty when i am selfish about me, thats from being a Mother of 4 and a Grandma of 2.
I'd rather GIVE if I have it to give than TAKE and not care.
Being selfish and or self centerd to me is not caring about anybody else but your self.
That if someone were to need money no matter the amount, IF I have and or can afford to help with it, I do and will.
To me money is nothing but something that only fools are not willing to part with, for fear of being used and screwd over for it.
I'm not a matireal type person, but I do like to have comforts, but ONLY after everyone else I LOVE and deeply care for are taken care of first.
In some ways I am a prude, and in others I'm one of those that don't care about my wants or needs, I just know
that someone else is in need more worse than me.
I don't hold things over people's heads, I don't use things against them to get what I want either, but only if I have to,
Which is an EXTREEM RAREITY for me to do that, and then the guilt sets in.
I can be one of the nicest and easiest going people you could ever meet or I could become their worst nightmare.
I let them do the choosing in which way they want me to be.
I don't judge a person for their past or short comings, not my job to do that, not what I was put here on Earth for.
I look for the GOOD in all I meet, but I also can see the worst and bad in a person, If I don't like someone I either ignor them or let them know right off the bat to keep their distance from me, because I have no use for them and I don't like them.
And I'm one not to care what people say about me, they are the ones that will be shown wrong in the end.
I tell people you can mess with me, you can mess with my money, but there is some thing you DON'T mess with and thats my Family and Kids, Cause I will be hell cometh with a fury when that happens and I take no prisoners when that happens.

I do gather my FACTS before I do set into take care of the CRAP that is going on with my family or kids
before I come after the idiot that is the cause of the problems.
I don't know if what I'm doing is right , this move to back home is the direction I feel I need to be going right now.
My family and I depend on me to be there no matter what and I am one to do that.
My Family comes before anything in my life, but GOD comes before all.

I'm here!

I keep forgetting you can't use the tab key or it publishes what you have written! My sister has invited me to post on her blog. *claping everywhere*
Thank-you, Thank-you all! I have been so busy with my own material, I finally managed to have the time to catch up on e-mails and discovered her request. Now it makes it that much easier to deny anything she says about me if I feel like it! LOL :)
This blog is mainly hers though. From time to time I will post my two cents worth here, which is what I am going to do now.
I cast my vote in the Arkansas Primary today, and was glad to hear Hillary Clinton won this state and Missouri. Some of you may call me an idiot, but the way I see it, I don't think I would want to be in the President's shoes no matter who that person may be. You are scrutinized, picked apart, and placed under a microscope for every move made, every decision you make. Some cheer for you, some call you a pig or worse. You have to try and please the nation as a whole, and in case ya didn't know, it doesn't work. You have to please your allies, you have to sit in front of a thousand flashing cameras with a foe trying to have peace talks, all the while having to play nice. You would have to be one thick-skinned son of a bitch to be able to handle the issues they have to confront.
Each person who takes on these types of leadership roles, whether it is a captain of a ship, or leader of a squadron, they all take risks, some win, some don't. Each of these types of people have their own ideas as to how they can fix this problem or make that program run efficently. Again, sometimes they work until someone else comes along and screws it up, and sometimes they screw it up without help. I personally do not think our government can ever be fixed. It's past broken and maybe one day we may get somebody who can fix it, maybe we won't.
The way I vote is whoever makes the most sense. Forget the promises, if their ideas sound true, they don't spew out a bunch of empty talk, or have the personality of a rock, they maybe can at least get it going on the right track. I don't think all politicians were/are calloused before politics made them that way. I actually think that some of them went into politics for solid reasons, wanting to help their neighbor, their town, their county or state.
With that being said, I still think most of them are crooks, liars and cheats, but I'm sure glad we don't have to get up at sunrise every day thanking God we didn't die from bombings during the night and hope the day keeps us from being the next victims of war. It could happen. If you were president, what would you do to make everybody happy? That does include, Hispanics, Blacks, Asians and other immigrants who gain citizenship. That does include those who lost their job of 20 years due to downsizing, to the consumer who's forking out $20.00-80.00 (or more) for a tank of gas. What would you have done for the victims of Katrina? 9-11?
Me, I'd be smacking some heads together! Hell, I don't know what I would do. Who would want the job? Gangster rappers and football players make millions more than a president. I'd rather get tossed around the football field and get paid more for it than have half a nation ready to toss me out on the front porch. And yes, some of our presidents get the big head and go crazy too.
I just choose who I personally thought can turn it around just a little bit. Even if a little bit gets done that could possibly be the step in the right direction. *lots of clapping and cheering throughout cyberspace, steps off of soapbox*