I am not on here very much, dealing with life as we all do on a day to day basis.
We all have our trials and tribulations. Some we can deal with, some we look to God for the answers as to WHY?
I hate being put through either one. but I guess its to see how strong we all are or have to be. I get tired of being the strong one of the family.
I am going through a bit of a delmia. some may not see it as that way or what ever. But when it happens to you and it will which way will YOU turn in that time of need?
this guy I thought was my boy friend has decided to move back to maryland to be with his son because he claims his son is at that age of needing his father. the boy will be 13 this yr. It has been 10 yrs since he has really been around his son. I aske him why NOW?! of all time why now? he said as one of his many excuses that he wants to be able to interact with him, when many,many,many times he had told me and others he and his son have nothing in common. Well this man who had got me to move in with him and fall for his insinuations, put off getting a job for me and stay on unemployment. I did do all that because I was "following" with "blinders" on. I put off helping my family to follow this "player". I haven't been done like this since my marraige and then divorced.
Thias man has been raised by a man that adopted him when he was just a new born and then when things got bad in his dad's and mom's marriage he left with his dad only to be stuck in a privet school or left alone to take care of himself while his dad went off to be with who ever. make a long story short this man i have allowed my self to fall in love with (my own stupidity) has decided that we were never a couple, ..........just friends.
Well what brought all this on ? he was found to have an aneurysim. now he claims after all this time he needs to go "play" father with his son. I can understand him wanting to be the boys father but just because of what the doctors found its a sing to him time to be a father??????
Pretty weak and sorry if you ask me. Now if this ends up being something bad then fine. If not then that fine to.
But because a person has been raised to con and and scam people for all that they can be gotten for, this man is too afraid to allow himself to feel . he don't and won't cry in front of anyone, he don't allow himself to feel the love of another person or what they feel. he just keeps it hidden and stays "cold" and "distant"
I have been basically the ONLY one there for him when he has had to deal with kidney stones to the point of needing them surgicaly removed, i have been the one there when he has been so sick he could not make to the bathroom and i had to help, I have been there between fights and disputes between his father and exwife. Or is she an ex, he hasn't truthfuly answered me on that just said"even though I MIGHT be divorced" YEAH!!!!!!!!! MIGHT
either way i have reach my point that I JUST DON'T CARE anymore. I am numb< I am emotionally and mentaly bruised, I feel like I have been used for all he could get from and of me and wadded up and tossed out with the trash.
I don't care what anyone says to me to try and ease the pain and the hurt I'm the one thats going through this all over for the 3rd or 4th time.
I'm walking away from it all. He don't need or want me . he wants to sleep with his dogs then let him LIE with and to the dogs
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
pushed aside
Why is it when someone is going through a "battle" of some kind the most important things seem to get pushed aside or put on the back burner. When we do that kind of stupid stuff are we protecting or hurting those that truely love us?
I am going through an ordeal right now where for a while i HAVE been "pushed aside" and set on the "back burner" so to speak. I'd rather be there shoulder to shoulder with this person, but he thinks I'd be safer on the side lines or tucked away some where. I'm not like that.I had been done like that once or twice before by another man.
i'm not as frail or delicate as some might think. But this one man in paticular thinks he knows whats best for me. DOES HE REALLY????????
Don 't get me wrong I know he means well, but he is trying to sort it out in the bottom of a bottle and shot glass. since the hot humid oven burning heat hit back in june we for the short part of it maybe a month off and on have been inside because its just been way too hot to do any kind of outside work.
Any way the stress of it all finally got to me and i "flew the coop" so to speak. what i can't understand why make this "battle" a mountain out of a mole hill?
He was told by his attorney "not to worry its all been taken care of." but yet he is worrying and has pushed me off to the side. Yes it hurts, hurts like a fire burn. I have tried to cry but managed to squeeze out a few tears, not enough to make me feel better or cause my eyes to swell. but just a few.
I guess in the end it will be decided if i win with him or i loose him or he looses me. this man and I have been through an awful lot in the 2 yrs we have known each other. I haven't asked him for anyting. he has just "been there". I have been so greatful for it too. I'm not sure how i will end this , I'm not sure where I'm going with it either. But either way this page will end.
I am going through an ordeal right now where for a while i HAVE been "pushed aside" and set on the "back burner" so to speak. I'd rather be there shoulder to shoulder with this person, but he thinks I'd be safer on the side lines or tucked away some where. I'm not like that.I had been done like that once or twice before by another man.
i'm not as frail or delicate as some might think. But this one man in paticular thinks he knows whats best for me. DOES HE REALLY????????
Don 't get me wrong I know he means well, but he is trying to sort it out in the bottom of a bottle and shot glass. since the hot humid oven burning heat hit back in june we for the short part of it maybe a month off and on have been inside because its just been way too hot to do any kind of outside work.
Any way the stress of it all finally got to me and i "flew the coop" so to speak. what i can't understand why make this "battle" a mountain out of a mole hill?
He was told by his attorney "not to worry its all been taken care of." but yet he is worrying and has pushed me off to the side. Yes it hurts, hurts like a fire burn. I have tried to cry but managed to squeeze out a few tears, not enough to make me feel better or cause my eyes to swell. but just a few.
I guess in the end it will be decided if i win with him or i loose him or he looses me. this man and I have been through an awful lot in the 2 yrs we have known each other. I haven't asked him for anyting. he has just "been there". I have been so greatful for it too. I'm not sure how i will end this , I'm not sure where I'm going with it either. But either way this page will end.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
yesteryear
What say are yesteryears?
What say ye?
What say are yesteryears?
What say ye?
What stories, what tears and hurts.
What griefs. Do oyu hide?
What was that?
Ahhh!!!! Yes, Go forward!
Leave the bad, ugly, hate, hurts, and worries behind.
Go forward with the beautiful,pleasant joys.
Take the blessing for you and family,
the family and you.
This was asked of me by my mother to post this on here,
for her reason alone I do believe. Something to ponder.
What say ye?
What say are yesteryears?
What say ye?
What stories, what tears and hurts.
What griefs. Do oyu hide?
What was that?
Ahhh!!!! Yes, Go forward!
Leave the bad, ugly, hate, hurts, and worries behind.
Go forward with the beautiful,pleasant joys.
Take the blessing for you and family,
the family and you.
This was asked of me by my mother to post this on here,
for her reason alone I do believe. Something to ponder.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Cheryl-
Well said sis. (For parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) It's a hard thing to do; let your child make mistakes he/she may have made in their past.
It's a test for all involved family memebers; each family deals with it in their own terms. All too often though situations as such render a split in the family. I believe in the power of prayer and putting my faith and trust in God- he will make sure you are never alone.
Somtimes it's best to let them be grown ups and live their lives.
This way when your son and/or daughter do come and tell you you were right....well, it's up to you what you do with that victory.
Well said sis. (For parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) It's a hard thing to do; let your child make mistakes he/she may have made in their past.
It's a test for all involved family memebers; each family deals with it in their own terms. All too often though situations as such render a split in the family. I believe in the power of prayer and putting my faith and trust in God- he will make sure you are never alone.
Somtimes it's best to let them be grown ups and live their lives.
This way when your son and/or daughter do come and tell you you were right....well, it's up to you what you do with that victory.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
when to back off
there comes a time in life when you have to just back off and let things do what they will.
Either things will crumble and fall a part or exhale slowly because of a strong foundation and what you have done is still standing.life is so much that way and honestly it sucks sometimes.i look at things like people,animals,or what ever a little differently than what alot of others do we all have a right to our opinion.but who cares about that.hmmmmmmm.
Backing off from a situation you have gotten into no matter how you got into it,can be a difficult thing to do or a sticky thing to do.paying attention to all the signs is a good thing to do and listening to that little still voice combined with instinct is even better, don't ya think? Welllllll, i have had to do just that, but keep focused on two very important defenseless facts.
My grandsons. I love my family, but we all can and do get ourselves into some of the most dumbest or craziest or dangerous situations. Me? All of the above right now. But i don't back down or give up until i just have to back off, rest up or what ever. But i do what i can no matter the cost and what i have to learn .
It hurts and yet it just shows i am still alive and kick'n
.
Either things will crumble and fall a part or exhale slowly because of a strong foundation and what you have done is still standing.life is so much that way and honestly it sucks sometimes.i look at things like people,animals,or what ever a little differently than what alot of others do we all have a right to our opinion.but who cares about that.hmmmmmmm.
Backing off from a situation you have gotten into no matter how you got into it,can be a difficult thing to do or a sticky thing to do.paying attention to all the signs is a good thing to do and listening to that little still voice combined with instinct is even better, don't ya think? Welllllll, i have had to do just that, but keep focused on two very important defenseless facts.
My grandsons. I love my family, but we all can and do get ourselves into some of the most dumbest or craziest or dangerous situations. Me? All of the above right now. But i don't back down or give up until i just have to back off, rest up or what ever. But i do what i can no matter the cost and what i have to learn .
It hurts and yet it just shows i am still alive and kick'n
.
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